just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
