I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
