HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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