is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize