I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
