you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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