Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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