Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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