all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just had sex on a roof
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
