so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
