I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
