i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
