Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
