he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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