i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dear god my vagina.
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