and she was petting her beer can
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
