so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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