He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
