Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
