the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
