Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
