he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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