hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize