also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
