so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
