remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I love having hate sex.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
