margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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