So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
