Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
