He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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