put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
