i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
