goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
