areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize