im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
