today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
