i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
