Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
