Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
