My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Im part way to drunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
