Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
