did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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