i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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