After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
