R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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