Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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