the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He? As in you personified your dick?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
