That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My feet surprised me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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