You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
