got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
