the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
