the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
