hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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