I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
