were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
