Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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