Already got asked if we're dating
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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