I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
