I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
