He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
