Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
