I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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