do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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