Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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