I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
