did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
