I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
