i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
