If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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