i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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