We got so high we made milksteak
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
