I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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