you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
