Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
