Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
