I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
