maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
