I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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