he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
