I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
