where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
