so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
