So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
