I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
