I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
