Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
