I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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