I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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