Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
