remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Everclear isn't food dammit
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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