Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
