You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
