I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
