i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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