Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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