She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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