Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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